Here’s another #casualkinnonupdate.
I’m sick, for like, the first time in 12 years. Got a hardcore case of the sniffles and I don’t even know what to do. Right before exam week too! But other than that, and maaaaaaybe becoming a bit of an alcoholic, I’m still doing reasonably well! Grades are good, money’s holding up (yay debt), and I’ve even been able to get out and explore Portland a bit. Two more weeks of school. Then I get a whole two weeks off before taking a Summer class. I think I might get another couple weeks off after that though, so that’s cool.
Oh and I hope you had a good birthday and all that! Though that was a couple months ago, I guess :P.
Alright, one more post on here before I close it up again. And only because my phone has been reminding me for a week now that tomorrow will be three years from the day we first met. Real glad I set up those reminders :P.
I just wanted to say something that I’m pretty sure I said before, but just in case you didn’t see it last time, here it is.
Ever since that day three years ago, whether you knew it or not, you’ve been constantly pulling me towards a better future. Towards where I am today. Your role in my life may be over, but I’m so glad you were there to play it. And the effect you had on me will last the rest of my life. I’ll never forget you, and you’ll always have a place in my heart.
Please take care of yourself, Maddy. Don’t ever give up. You’re an incredible person and I’m so glad I met you. Happy anniversary or whatever :P.
Hmm… I just want to add that I know that last post (and most of the stuff I used to have up here) probably makes me seem really sad. And I guess sometimes I am. But honestly, for the most part, I’m doing alright. And I hope you are too.
I’ve been doing my best to move on, and for a while I was so close to succeeding, but then she left too. It sucks. I’ve changed a lot I think. I’ve got a better idea now of who I am and what I want than ever before. But that hasn’t made getting it any easier. I know now that I could never trust you enough to be in a relationship again. But that doesn’t stop me from missing you, and wishing you were here. I know that I’m better off alone right now. That trying to find a relationship while I’m busy with school and a year and a half away from moving and becoming even busier is a terrible idea. But that doesn’t stop me from being lonely. It doesn’t stop me from wishing that I had someone who loved me as much as I loved them. Someone who I could treasure and take care of, someone who would go out and explore the world with me some days and who would stay in and cuddle while watching TV on other days. Someone who was just as messed up as I am. Someone who shares my fantasies and desires and passions. Maybe one day I’ll find what I want again and hopefully this time she’ll want it too. And maybe by then we’ll both be in a place in our lives that’ll let it actually work.